Shall We Dance?
by losamantesclandestinos
Summary: NOW COMPLETE. Somewhat of a sequel to 'Merry Christmas, Mr. Barba.' Rafael takes Olivia dancing. Interesting things ensue. Eventual Barson. Note: rating change for the last chapter.
1. Chapter 1

**SHALL WE DANCE?**

**Disclaimer:** Characters aren't mine – they belong to Dick Wolf and NBC.

**Author's Note**: This is just a silly story that popped into my head after listening to Raúl sing _Begin the Beguine_. References events from _Merry Christmas, Mr. Barba _so read that one first. Not sure how long this will be, possibly just a couple chapters.

**Chapter One**

_When they begin the beguine _

_It brings back the sound of music so tender _

_It brings back a night of tropical splendor _

_It brings back a memory ever green._

_-**Begin the Beguine, **_**Cole Porter**

It's 3:00pm and Olivia's finishing up some paperwork at the precinct. It's a gloomy winter day, bitterly cold and very little sunlight. One of those days where she just doesn't feel like doing anything. It's the holidays and, oddly enough, it's been quiet. That's a little unusual because usually this time of year brings out all the crazies.

She's on edge just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because it always does.

All of a sudden, she feels her cell vibrate. _There we go_.

Liv looks down and Barba's name is flashing on her phone. _That's unusual, _she thinks, _we're not working a case together. I wonder what he wants_.

Something bad is going to happen. She just knows it.

"Benson here."

"Liv, it's Rafael."

"What's on your mind, counselor?" She leans back in her chair, bracing herself for bad news because that seems to be largely what's delivered over her phone. "Is there a problem?"

"No, not at all. Do you have plans tonight?" He asks, a little abruptly.

_Okay, didn't see that one coming_.

"Only spending time with Noah." Olivia smiles as she looks at the picture of her foster son on her desk. He was really such a wonderful little boy. And she loved him. So very much. He was the piece of her that had been missing and she hadn't even realized it until she'd held him in her arms. _Oh, baby boy, you will never lack love. Never._

"What are you doing for dinner?"

"I was planning on takeout." Although the thought of Chinese for yet another night makes her stomach roll. Maybe she'd get pizza...

"Forget that – I'll take you out. I know a place." She stares at the phone. Is he asking her out on a _date_? Benson's not sure how she feels about that. The evening they had spent together at Christmas had been wonderful. But he hadn't really said much to her since then and maybe that spark between them had all been completely in _her _head. She'd been the one to initiate the kiss after all.

_Still waiting for that other shoe to drop…._

Plus, he really isn't asking as much as he is telling. That grates on her nerves.

So she hesitates and he senses it.

"Is it Noah you're concerned about or us?" That's the unsettling thing about Barba. He's quite direct and sometimes she's not sure how to react to it.

"_What_ us?" She asks, a little bewildered. _What the hell? Is this the other shoe? _Forget the fact that she'd been wondering about this "thing" earlier.

"That's what I want to know." Liv can hear a faint smile in his voice. Slightly exasperated, she realizes that Barba, in a very awkward way, _is _asking her out. But whether it's actually a _date _date or not, of that she's unsure.

She's not even sure that he knows what it 's unsure, he's unsure…they're both unsure.

_Boy, this is going to be fun_. _Fucking Barba. He's so cryptic sometimes._

But she's willing to give it a chance.

"Let me see if Lucy's available to watch Noah tonight." Olivia smiles at her phone.

"You know where to reach me. Give me a call when you find out." Before she can say anything, he's hung up. For a moment, she just stares at her phone.

_Well, that was the oddest "conversation" in the history of forever. And, God, Barba can be __**so**__ bossy._

Shaking her head, she rolls her eyes as she dials Lucy. And decides that maybe she needs to have a discussion with Rafael about his bedside manner, so to speak.

_Poor choice of phrase, Olivia..._

_**7:00**_

Benson purses her lips and looks in the mirror. Sometimes being a woman was the fucking worst thing in the world and dates, well, she'd rather walk on hot coals. With sharp knives under her fingernails. Because that'd be less painful. _God, _she thought, _give me a perp in an interrogation room. That'd be more fun than this_. At least there the roles were clearly defined, she knew exactly what to do. There was no uncertainty there. None of this nebulous "_is this a romantic date_" or "_is this a just going out to dinner/no romance date_?"

And she remembers exactly why she avoids the dating scene.

But it's too late to back out now.

She's pulled out an old dress from the closet; one of her favorite ones. It's got spaghetti straps, cut low in the front, and scarlet red. It clings to her curves like a second skin. A smile crosses her face as she remembers Amaro's look of appreciation when he saw her in it. _"Oooohhhlivia_." He had said and she had blushed. But she had walked a little taller for the rest of the evening.

What woman doesn't appreciate being appreciated? And Benson would definitely never forget the look in Nick's eyes when he saw her in it….

So she'd never gotten rid of it. It's an older dress and slightly out of style but she loves it. When she wears it, she's all Olivia and Sergeant Benson's tucked away. Sometimes she needs that. Needs to put away the pain, the trauma, the weariness of the job and just be…Olivia.

(She can't help but imagine the look on Barba's face when he sees her in it. )

Out of the closet, she grabs a pair of pumps. Spritzes on some perfume that an over-eager salesclerk had said was better than sex…whatever that meant. The woman had been trying so hard to make a sale so Benson had forked over a ridiculous amount of money for the 1.7 oz bottle. It _did _smell good. But better than sex? That was a bit of an oversell.

She managed to refrain from telling that to the clerk, though.

_This is just an evening out with a friend_, Benson reminds herself.

God, she didn't even want to think about sex with Barba.

Although she'd be lying if she hadn't wondered (just in passing, of course) if he'd be as domineering in the bedroom as he was in the courtroom. Momentarily, she's intrigued. And is curious if she's been the only one who's wondered how all that caffeinated energy translated to the bedroom.

Sexual napalm, anyone?

God, it's been way too long since she's had sex if she's going down that road. She ignored the flash of heat that went through her body.

_Pull it together, Olivia_.

_Dinner and dancing_, he had mentioned on the phone when she had called him back.

_Dancing? Barba DANCES? _

He's turning out to be full of surprises. First, the singing to Noah, then the dancing.

Next thing he'll be telling her that he moonlights as a Broadway star during his off-hours.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: You know the drill. Characters aren't mine. Story is.

Author's Note: The lullaby Olivia sings is Hungarian. The translation is:

_Sleep, baby, sleep,_

_Close your eyes._

_Sleep, tilting-lilting*_

_Little rose bud._

_The violet is sleeping,_

_Sleep, baby._

Chapter 2

Benson's pacing around her apartment. Barba called her a few minutes ago to let her know that traffic was a little heavy and that he'd be running late. Her throat is dry and she's had at least three glasses of water. And some wine. She's not sure why she's so nervous - this is Barba after all, they get along well and they always find things to talk about.

Are they going to discuss what happened at Christmas? She's never been good at those types of "discussions" and, oh god, please don't ask because that would be so awkward. Sweat's starting to bead at her hairline and she quickly wipes her forehead.

_Okay, Olivia, this is just dinner and a little dancing. Not another session at CompStat._

"Olivia?" A soft voice calls from the bedroom.

Benson fixes a smile on her face. "Yes, Lucy?"

"He's just going down for the night." Lucy's a sweet girl and Noah adores her. Given the horror stories of "nannies gone bad", Liv is profoundly thankful to have found her. Given the stories she'd heard and things she'd seen herself, for some time she had despaired about finding a good nanny, much less a perfect one.

But then she'd found Lucy through the recommendation of an old friend. With glowing references and a completely clean background, Lucy had been ideal on paper. And when Liv had met Lucy in person, the two of them had clicked immediately. Most importantly, Noah and Lucy had bonded easily. Now he clearly adores her.

The universe had been smiling down on Olivia Benson that day.

She goes back into her bedroom and Lucy's holding Noah. Disregarding her hair, her makeup (because, really, what do those matter?), Olivia opens her arms and Noah gleefully goes into them, possibly thinking this is a reprieve from Evil Bedtime. Olivia eyes her bundle of mischief and he eyes her back with those big beautiful eyes.

Kids know early how to wind their parents around their chubby little fingers.

She can almost read his thoughts through his big eyes: _Don't put me to bed, let me stay up and watch Elmo. _

Liv can't help but grin, she's not going to be a sucker for those innocent eyes. Although, it's a little too late - she already is.

"You're going to bed, my son. No Elmo tonight." She says to him firmly. And kisses him on the head. "I love you so much, Noah. I just hope some day you know how much."

Carefully, she lays him down his crib. He starts to fuss a little but Rafael's given her an idea and she starts to sing a little. Not too loudly because she wants him to relax and, frankly, any louder and her neighbors might complain. Another American Diva in training, she is not.

_Tente, baba, tente,_

_a szemedet hunyd be._

_Aludj, ingó-bingó,_

_kicsi rózsabimbó._

_Alszik az ibolya,_

_csicsíja babája._

Her voice isn't beautiful - to her it sounds like a box of rocks - but Noah likes it. His eyes start to close and his fussing turns into a tired little whimper. "Goodnight, baby boy." She says it softly so it only touches him like a soft evening breeze.

"Thank you for staying with him this evening, Lucy. I really appreciate it."

"It's no problem at all, Olivia." Lucy smiles and Benson sees she means it. "I love baby Noah. He's such a joy. Even when he's crabby."

"Well, you know how to reach me." Liv says, "I'll have my phone on all the time. If anything comes up - _anything - _please don't hesitate to call me right away."

Lucy smiles. _"_Of course."

Olivia leaves the room, going to the kitchen to get yet another drink of water. _Barba, where the hell are you?_

It's good timing too because her phone starts to buzz.

"Benson."

"Liv, I'm just a few minutes away." Barba sounds a little flustered. "This goddamn traffic… I'm sorry."

"Don't even give it a second thought." She reassures him. "Noah just went down. Take your time."

He shows up ten minutes later but it feels like an eternity.

When she hears the sharp rap at her door, she quickly peers into the mirror, checks herself because she has to be perfect. _God, I am such a girl_. _What am I going to do next? Powder my damn nose? Pull it together, Olivia._

Ignoring the fluttering in her stomach, she opens the door, having put on her coat. It's chilly out and her apartment has a bit of a draft.

_Holy Christ._

Rafael's not in his usual courtroom attire. Wearing a black blazer, he's wearing a black dress shirt, top buttons undone, with a black t-shirt underneath. Instead of his normal pinstripe pants, he's wearing black slacks, loose in the legs. No tie. _Holy God_.

And the look in his eyes takes her breath away. His initial glance at her doesn't last a long time but it's appreciative and lingering.

"Sorry I'm late, like I told you, traffic was hell." He sweeps in and while he pulls her in for a brief hug, he slips a small gift into her hands.

"Thank you." Olivia smiles, "You really didn't have to do this." She puts it aside on the counter and gives him a warm hug. "It's good to see you, Rafael."

"And you as well, Liv." He smiles back at her warmly. Backing up, he takes another moment to look at her. "You're beautiful."

She blushes. While she appreciates Barba's directness, sometimes it throws her and she's never been totally comfortable with compliments.

"Thank you." She manages. "For the gift too."

"Open it." Barba smiles slightly, just a quirk of the lips that she finds absurdly endearing. "They're holding our reservation."

Her fingers tremble slightly as she opens the gift. "Oh, Rafael…" It's a gold bracelet, very simple, with a single coin charm. On the front of the coin is one word: _valiente. _On the back of the coin is a flower.

"The word means fearless." He says quietly even though he's aware she knows enough Spanish to hazard its meaning. "The flower is the Cuban state flower, the butterfly Jasmine…which symbolizes purity, rebelliousness, and independence."

"You think I'm rebellious?" Liv has to smile a little.

He tilts his head and smirks back as if to say, _you're __not_? She laughs. "Point taken, counselor."

"You fight for the victims which sometimes means rebelling against the status quo." Barba explains. "It fits you."

"I've not been pure for a long time." She says quietly, a flicker of sadness crossing her face. Perhaps she's thinking of Lewis. Of what he put her through.

Barba steps forward and takes her hand. "That's bullshit, Olivia. You're pure courage, pure passion, pure strength."

He didn't add the _to me _but he doesn't have to. She gets the message.

Tears are in her eyes and she wants to thank him. But the things she wants to say to Barba don't seem to be enough. How does he always manage to disarm her like this?

"If you keep staring at that, we _will _be late." He smiles, to take any edge off his words. "Here, let me help you put that on."

Barba's fingers are warm against her skin and they linger a little as he fastens the clasp.

Their eyes meet, lock, and both of them smile.

This might be a good night, after all.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Characters (except Miguel) are Dick's and NBC's. Story mine.

Author's note: _So, yeah, Padre Sandunguero gave us some clues to Barba's past. And so did December Solstice. So, consider 'Merry Christmas, Mr. Barba' completely AU in terms of back story. And I'll be utilizing Padre and December Solstice from here on out in terms of understanding Barba's family. _

_What can I say? When the seas change, sometimes you have to adjust your sails._

Warning: PURE fluff ahead.

Chapter 3

"So where are we going, counselor?" Benson asks lightly, to hide the little bit of nerves she's feeling. She's still not sure what _this _is and the uncertainty is making her a little antsy. The gift seems to indicate that this is definitely a _date _date and she's not sure how she feels about that.

It'd be her first since Brian and that still hurts.

_**Love you, Brian. Always will.**_

_What do you want this to be, Olivia_? The question's been hovering around her mind the whole day. Actually, ever since that Christmas. When she kissed him and he kissed her back. And it had been as beautiful as the soft white snow falling down on New York streets and the clear starlit skies of Christmas night.

It'd been as close to a perfect Christmas as she had had in years. Unexpectedly so. Barba had been the last person she would have ever thought to be attracted to because, frankly, there were times when he drove her absolutely crazy. But if she was truly honest with herself, she thinks, was it Barba was she frustrated at or the justice system they were both sworn to uphold?

Because reality was a bitch and justice can be a cold bedfellow at night.

Lost in her thoughts, she doesn't notice that they've stopped. "A penny for your thoughts?" Rafael looked amused. "Oh, trust me, they're not worth a penny." She jokes.

"I doubt that, Liv." But he lets it go.

"I'll meet you in there," he says, "need to find some parking."

Liv nods and then walks into the unassuming restaurant/club. She's never been there before, even though Barba has.

And how on earth has she missed this? It's a beautiful spot, even though the outside is nothing special. The decor is subdued and elegant but with a hint of the tropics. They've placed some palm trees in discrete places near some of the tables. The artwork is colorful yet subdued. She takes a moment to soak it all in, the scent of coconut and the tropical skies at night, the strumming of guitar in the background. She's not sure how they do it but the very atmosphere feels less of a restaurant/club and more of a night on the beach, or the comfort of a home-cooked meal in a warm kitchen.

Liv feels instantly at home.

It's strange to her but familiar.

"So sorry, Liv." Rafael rushes in. "It took me some time to find parking. New York City, eh? Bastards. You'd think they could at least provide decent parking while bleeding us dry."

"Tell me about it." She grimaces. "Bane of my existence."

"Señor Rafi!" An elderly gentleman tanned from days spent in a non-New York sun runs up to greet him.

"Miguel!" Rafael grips the man's arms with a beaming smile Olivia has never seen on him before. It takes years off his face and she can see glimpses of that boy of _el barrio_ long since hidden. "How are you, my friend? It's been too long."

"Yes, it has." Miguel gives Rafael a reproving look. "What's kept you away, _hijo_?"

"Work's been keeping me running." He shrugs. "You know how it is. _He estado muy ocupado_."

"Excuses, excuses, Rafael Barba. You know better." Miguel clucks his tongue admonishingly. He looks over at Olivia, who, by this time, is feeling slightly uncomfortable and awkward. "Who is this lovely lady?"

"My apologies, Miguel, I should have introduced you right away. This is my colleague and my…friend, Sergeant Olivia Benson of the NYPD." Rafael's eyes soften as he looks at her. Miguel notices, although Rafael doesn't see that he does. A smile creeps across the face of the elderly proprietor. _Ah, so that's the way of it. Well, it's time that Rafì settles down - he's a good boy, his mama would be proud_.

Olivia gives Miguel a strong shake. "Nice to meet you." She says. "Have you and Rafael known each other long?"

Miguel chuckles. "Oh, yes, I've known Rafì since he was a boy running around the South Bronx."

"_Rafì, _is it?" Olivia chuckles faintly. She looks over at him with a tiny smirk, noting the faint flush on his face.

"Ah, there are many stories I could tell you about this boy." Miguel winks at her. Benson's now thoroughly amused especially since Barba's flush is getting deeper. Taking pity on his discomfort, she smiles mischievously at Miguel. "Perhaps later. But I'd be very interested in hearing some of these stories."

"Miguel, my usual table?" Rafael's finally managed to find his voice.

"Of course, Señor Rafael." Miguel bows smoothly and escorts them to a small table in the corner. It's relatively secluded and there are palm plants that give it an extra air of seclusion.

"You two have really known each other that long?" Olivia asks.

"Ah, yes. We go back a long, long time. He was a good friend of my _abuelita_." Rafael takes a sip of the water the server has just brought to his place, a look of sadness in his eyes.

Oh, how he misses her.

Liv notices but kindly says nothing. It's not the time.

"When did this place open? I've never even known it was here."

"It's been here thirty years, Liv." He smiles.

"I've lived in this city my whole life and every day I find something new. I don't think I could ever run out of things to discover about New York." She says fondly.

"It's a beautiful city, none like it, that's for sure. I could never live anywhere else."

"Really? You've never wanted to move away from all the hustle and bustle and grit and crime?" Liv asks curiously.

"Not really. I thrive on the busyness of the city. Keeps me from thinking too much." He flashes her a tight smile that doesn't reach his eyes.

_Do not trespass._

The waiter brings over the menus and she flips hers open. He doesn't bother, he knows what he wants. Rafael Barba's a creature of habit, he sticks with things he likes. He's not one for too much change in his personal routine; he gets enough chaos with his case work.

"One _caipirinha_, por favor." He says smoothly.

Liv raises an eyebrow. "What? No scotch?"

"Oh, no, not here," Rafael smiles, "Miguel hand makes these drinks. He'd be most offended if I didn't have one."

"I'll have one too. What flavor do you recommend?"

"Pomegranate, I think. It's not too sweet."

"I still can't believe I've never found this place." Liv looks around. "It's beautiful."

"Miguel's done a good job with it." Rafael relaxes in his chair, smiling. "It's his pride and joy."

"He clearly loves you." Liv smiles.

"Ah, well, no accounting for taste." He brushes it off, uncomfortably.

"So what types of stories would I hear if I was to talk to him?" She teases him.

"Oh, for the love of God, don't do that." He groans but with a semi-smile, the chances of her not talking to Miguel are slim to none.

"Are there some skeletons I need to worry about?" Liv grins.

He runs a finger along his collar and Liv watches with interest as his neck turns a bright red.

"Ah, here are our drinks." He says quickly. But he sees the twinkle in her eye and knows her interest is perked.

Surprisingly, though, she doesn't say anything else. Liv sees that he is clearly uncomfortable with too much personal discussion. At least right now. And that's something she understands. So she lets it go.

She's learned her lesson about not pushing too hard.

And he's grateful.

But there is something she wants to know.

"So, Rafael, " Liv leans forward, now serious. "What is _this_?"

"What do you mean _this_?" Barba asks, with a slight smirk. "_This_ is called dinner, Olivia."

"Don't pull that dodging the tough question stuff with me, Rafael. You should know better."

"Wait a minute, " Barba pretends to think, "is this dinner or an interrogation?"

Benson lets him have his fun at her expense and simply rolls her eyes. He's dodging and she knows it. But why he's dodging, she's not sure. Maybe he wants to keep it light. They're both so buried in darkness most of the time that sometimes they just need to come out and stare at the moonlight. To remind themselves that the darkness isn't endless and that behind the veil of night are the lights of countless stars.

Lightness is good. It almost makes you forget about the night. So she'll let it go. There'll be time enough to talk about those things.

Liv takes a minute and sips on her caipirinha. Barba was right, the pomegranate _is _good. Not too fruity because, god, she hates those sickly sweet alcoholic concoctions that practically give you tooth decay when you drink them. But this tastes of freedom, of happy memories, and the bright shine of stars shining defiantly in the black sky.

And the wind blowing through the long grass on beach dunes. Sometimes she still imagines herself running through them.

"I told you." The look on her face must have shown her delight because he's smiling a little.

"This is beyond delicious." Liv tells him. She's fumbling for words because sometimes when you experience something really good and fine, you just can't find words eloquent enough to contain the experience. Language can be so limited.

"He is a craftsman." Rafael agrees. "I'm glad you like it."

"I do." Liv says softly and looks at him. "I like it very much."

She's not just talking about the drink anymore.

And he smiles.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"So tell me more about Miguel, " Liv says, interest in her eyes. "You've never really talked much about your childhood."

"For good reason," Barba's face is serious, "there are many things about it I'd like to forget. I'm sure you understand that."

"Oh, yes," she nods, a flicker of sadness in her eyes, "handling my mother and her issues was… difficult. I didn't have a lot of time to enjoy being young."

"It's unfortunate that so many young ones are forced to grow old before their time." Rafael takes a sip from his drink. "I think that's one of the hardest things that I've seen since I've started working with the Manhattan SVU. All the old faces on the children…."

"I can tell you right now that it never gets easier." Liv says quietly. "Those are the ones who get me the most. The children. It makes me all the more determined to give Noah as carefree and as loving a life as possible."

"Motherhood looks well on you, Liv." Barba smiles. "No one wears it better."

She quirks an eyebrow at him and laughs. "Flattery will get you everywhere, Rafael Barba."

"To tell you the truth, though," she says, "it's been quite the challenge. A constant balancing act. Being in charge of the squad? As I've said before, it's as if I have a bunch of little kids, all needing as much attention. Now that I'm on the other side of that desk I know exactly what Don was referring to. And then there's the actual child at home. It can all be so exhausting."

"And yet you're happy." It's not a question.

"I couldn't be happier." She smiles at him. "I never imagined my life ever turning out this way. I always thought that my life was going to simply consist of people leaving. I was getting used to it and now…well…sometimes life surprises you."

"Sometimes it does." He agrees with a smile. "But you asked about Miguel… he had been a friend of my _abuelita_. They had known each other for years. Miguel's wife and _abuelita _were good friends. When I would visit her, occasionally he would be there and he'd tell me jokes and give me Cuban sweets. Everything a little boy would love." He smiles with the memory.

"He seems like a wonderful man." Liv observes.

"He is. More of a father to me than my own was." Barba takes a deep gulp of his drink.

"I'm sorry if I raised some painful memories." Liv says softly and reaches across the table to take his hand.

"Here's to old ghosts." He gives her a faint smile and raises his glass. "May they stay in their graves where they belong."

"I'll toast to that." She smiles and gives his hand a soft squeeze.

"Now, to lighter things…" Liv changes the subject before the darkness can intrude. Again. "…what is good here?"

"Everything." Barba's smirk is back.

"Well, that's really…helpful." Liv mock frowns.

"I'd actually recommend _ropa vieja_," Rafael suggests. "It's a traditional Cuban dish. Miguel's is to die for. And I'm not kidding. No one does it better."

"I'll take your word for it."

Rafael motions the waiter over. "_Dos de la rope vieja_, _por favor y gracias."_

Nodding, the waiter takes his over and slips silently away.

"That song…" Benson cocks her head, listening to the music. "…it's beautiful."

"One of my favorites. I've always enjoyed Cole Porter."

He looks like he's going to say something else but he hesitates.

"Rafael, out with it." Liv teases him.

"Care to dance?" He asks, an inquiring look on his face.

_God, she's going to say no…and then I'm going to feel like a complete fool. Why am I even asking her again?_

"What have I got to lose?." Liv agrees, much to Barba's surprise. "Just my dignity. Gotta warn you, Rafael, I have two left feet. You sure you want to do this?"

"Come on, Olivia." Barba raises one eyebrow. "Have you ever known me to back down from a challenge?"

"So now I'm a challenge?" She laughs.

"You said it. Not me." He shrugs, a twinkle in his eye.

He reaches out his hand. "Come. Let's dance."

"You're bossy, Rafael."

"Would you want me any other way?"

…

He leads her on the floor like he's been doing this his whole life. And maybe he has. There's still so little she knows about him. So many parts of him that he keeps hidden.

He pulls her into him as they get out on the small dance floor. There are some other couples out there but the lighting is dim so she feels less uncomfortable. There's no spotlight.

She can stay hidden. And that's okay with her.

Taking a deep breath, she inhales the warmth of his scent. That unique blend of the smells of a tropical night, of comfort, of home, of stars. It comforts her.

_When we begin the beguine…._

His hand is gentle against her back, he doesn't hold her too tight.

And following his lead is natural, the dance is slightly complicated but he makes it easy for her. As he has with so many other things. She feels a little awkward, dancing doesn't come natural for her - none of this comes

"This is nice." She says, smiling against his neck.

"It is." He leans his head back to look her in the eyes. "I apologize, I'm a little out of practice."

"You seem okay to me." Liv says quietly.

"I took dance lessons on the side while studying law. It was a good release. But it's been a long time." His eyes cloud over with memories.

"Thank you for bringing me here." She says, trying to make conversation because she's not used to so much silence on a date and she still feels a little awkward. Because dancing isn't totally natural for her and what do you say when you're in each other's arms?

_God, I wish there was a how-to manual for this._

"I'm glad I could." He smiles slightly, a rare softness in his eyes.

_My God, he smells so good. And why am I so nervous all of a sudden?_

"I'm sorry I'm such a bad date." She says quickly. "I just…I'm not really used to this, it's been a long time, you know?" And she starts talking about the little things about her day, how Noah had started crawling and she wasn't sure how she was going to keep him out of things because he's been getting into so many things even though she's put as many things as she can out of his reach. She's totally babbling now and, my god, she's so embarrassed but she and Barba have been friends for so long and now they're standing on this precipice and she's not sure where she wants to go.

It's all a little scary.

_God_, she thinks, s_ometimes it really is easier dealing with perps. At least that's something that I know. Is it sad to admit that my comfort zone is dealing with criminals?_

_I really do need more of a life._

_Away from the darkness._

Barba pulls her a little bit closer and the fluttering in her stomach grows.

_Is he going to kiss me?_

"Liv?"

"Yes?"

"Stop talking." And he pulls her tight to him but not before she sees the slight smile on his face.

And she laughs.

Maybe this isn't so scary after all.


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Note**: _Sorry for the long wait. This chapter was a bear to write and if there's a lot of rough patches, blame my damn Muse. She was refusing to cooperate for most of this story._

Chapter 5

It doesn't feel longer than ten minutes but they're actually on the dance floor for more than thirty. Barba's quite good and Benson finds it easy to follow his lead. The fact that he dances so well still throws her off a little. He has surprised her so many times this evening; every time she thinks she knows him, he does something else to make her realize she really knows very little about him.

"So tell me more about these dance lessons." She asks.

"Not much to tell. Law school doesn't leave you much time for extracurricular activities but every third Friday at one of the local community centers, they had free dance lessons. I couldn't afford to pay for them." His eyes mist over in the remembering. "I took them all through second and third year. It's where I met..." And he stops, a brief look of sadness flashing across his face and then he plasters a smile on his face. "But enough about that. Where did you learn to dance?"

"Don't laugh." Benson notices the dodge but decides not to push him on it. "I always wanted to be a dancer when I was little but there was never any money for classes. So I would copy the girls I would watch dancing – sometimes the teacher would let me sit in the studio. They all knew we couldn't afford dance lessons."

_Serena couldn't spare the money from fueling her alcohol addiction to give me dance lessons. The bottle meant more to her than her daughter._

Barba looks at her sympathetically, he knows her well enough to read between the lines. That there are things she's not saying because it's too embarrassing. And he understands. Being poor...not being able to afford things that many of their peers could...well, it's embarrassing.

Just one more thing that they share.

He looks over to the table. "It looks like our meals are there."

"If they're cold, I'm blaming you for distracting me with dancing." Liv grins impishly.

"If they're cold, I'm blaming you for distracting me period." He responds, a slight smile on his face. And there's something in his eyes that makes Liv go hot. And suddenly, she wants to hurry up with the meal, delicious cocktails and _ropa vieja_ notwithstanding.

…...

It seems that Barba has the same thought in mind, or at least similar ones, because he devours his meal like he hasn't eaten in days. And, as far as Liv knows, maybe he hasn't – he has mentioned his caseload has been unusually heavy over the past week.

"This is delicious." She says, folding her napkin on her lap. "But I am completely full."

Barba eyes her plate. "Would you mind if I finished that?"

She laughs. "Not at all. You really like this dish, don't you?"

Barba spoons the remaining bites on his plate. "Any sane person would. Miguel's _ropa vieja_ is delicious. I grew up on this stuff."

"It is very good." Olivia agrees and then gives Barba a soft smile. "Thank you for the evening, Rafael."

"Oh," he pushes back his plate, completely clean now, a mischievous smirk on his face, "it's not over yet."

"Is that so?" Liv raises her eyebrow, trying to ignore the sudden rush of heat in her body.. "You forget, I have a child and a sitter at home – and a rather early day tomorrow."

"I find that I'm in the mood for a nightcap." He smiles. "Are you?"

Part of Benson wants to decline. The part of her that remembers the men who have come into her life, only to walk away. Elliot. David. Brian. Everybody has just ended up leaving and there's a good chance that whatever _**this**_ is could end the same way.

People want to move on, climb up the ladder. There's a good chance that in a year or two, Rafael might spot an opportunity somewhere else. Somewhere he could rise through the ranks at a quicker pace.

So many what if's.

But that's the future, this is the present, and is she going to stay safe at the precipice's edge or leap and test her wings?

Rafael gives her a gentle smile, "It's okay, Liv. Whatever you decide, I'll always be in your corner." Then, to break the tension, he grins. "Except on the occasions when you're clearly wrong."

Oh, the sass.

"Rafael." She rolls her eyes. "You're not supposed to say that to a woman. Especially not on a date."

"What can I say?" He sips his scotch. "I don't play by the rules."

"Clearly." She laughs.

And then looks at him consideringly. Looks at the lines on his forehead, around his eyes and his mouth. Lines that were put there from all the cases that he's given his everything to – the circles under his eyes from the sleepless nights haunted by the shadows of the victims he couldn't save. The trials where the verdicts didn't go their way.

She knows those circles because she's had them for sixteen years. They never go away.

_There'll always be another rapist, always another child molester. And it's like you have to sell a little piece of yourself to get the job done._

_All I can think of is that I am so tired..._

He understands her because he's right there with her.

Maybe it's time to step off the cliff.

"I think I will take that night cap."

He smiles.

…...

Her heart's racing like she's been running a marathon and he hasn't even touched her yet, not really. She and Rafael bid Miguel a good evening and thank him profusely for the meal. And there's a twinkle in the old man's eyes as if he knows exactly what they're going to do.

"It's been a long time since I've seen him smile like that." He tells her right after Rafael leaves to get the car. "I am glad he's found himself a good woman. Because I know you're good for him. He tells me about you." He adds with a wink.

"Oh?" Liv's not sure how to respond to that. _He talks to an old friend and his mother about me? I'll have to give him shit for that._ She smiles.

"Just be good to him." He says seriously. "He's had a rough time, our Rafael."

_I don't have to listen to a stranger telling me how to treat my date...colleague...whatever. _And yet she finds, "Don't worry, I will" coming out of her mouth.

She calls Lucy on their way home and Rafael has one hand on hers. It's solid, it's warm, and it's comforting.

_I'm here for you. In your corner._

Unlocking the door to her apartment, her hands are shaking a little. She's warm, so warm and she doesn't want to think about the reason. Doesn't really want to think at all, has decided that she is what she wants.

"Hi, Olivia! Did you have a good evening?" Lucy smiles.

"It was wonderful. Thank you, Lucy. See you Monday?"

"Of course. Have a good night, Liv."

…...

While Rafael is finding a parking place, Liv reaches for her favorite bottle of wine and pours them two glasses. She doesn't have scotch but she doesn't think he'll mind. She wipes her palms on a dish towel, she's sweating a little bit and finds that she's nervous. There's a knot in her stomach because she knows what's coming next and it's a little frightening.

_I'm not going anywhere._

_I love you, Liv._

Maybe she shouldn't do this...maybe this was just a huge mistake.

"Liv?" A quiet rap on the door interrupts her thoughts.

"Are you ok?" When she opens the door, Barba can clearly see the hesitation on her face. "We don't have to do this, Olivia." He smiles. "I won't be hurt, I promise."

"No, it's okay." Liv ushers him in. "Noah's asleep. It's just you and I."

And she firmly closes the door on the past.

…...

"I poured you some wine. Would you..." She starts but before she can finish, Barba's mouth is on hers. At first she's startled but then she puts her arms around him and returns his kiss.

It's hot and warm and everything she could have wanted. And he smells of hope, of old journeys ending, and new beginnings. And she can taste the caipirinha and the scent of summer nights on his mouth and she drinks of him like he's a rare cabernet.

His hands run up and down her back and caress her bare skin. "God, Liv," he whispers, "you wore that dress just to torture me, didn't you?"

She pulls back and smiles slightly. "Why, counselor, how did you know?"

"Just a guess." He pulls her against him and she can feel the very hard evidence of how much he appreciates her. And his mouth finds a soft part on her throat and sucks at it. _My god, that's going to leave a mark_, she thinks but she doesn't care.

Her hand reaches down and touches him through his pants and she can feel him grow beneath her touch. And she knows he likes it because she hears him growl and mutter some Spanish words under his breath. Barba pulls her tighter against him and runs his tongue along the inside of her mouth.

"You're wearing too many clothes, counselor." She whispers against his ear as she runs her fingers down his spine, feeling him shudder underneath her touch.

"That can be remedied." He murmers lowly, reaching for his shirt and tossing it over his head. He's well built, Rafael is, and sculpted like a beautiful statue. He's not perfectly fit, has a little softness around his belly – he does enjoy his rich foods and scotch – but he's perfect for her. Liv runs her hands over his chest, sliding over his stomach and to the belt of his pants.

In no time flat, he's just in his boxers and she's still in her dress. But the dress is an easy thing to lose and she slowly, a little nervously, drops it. Instinctively, she crosses her hands across her chest. The scars from her ordeal with William Lewis haven't fully healed and, while she's used to them now, knowing someone else can see them makes her self-conscious.

"Don't hide yourself, Olivia." Barba gently takes her hands off her chest. "You're beautiful. All of you."

And this time Olivia pulls him to her and kisses him, her tongue exploring his mouth, bare skin against bare skin.

"Time to stop talking so much, Barba?" She winks at him, as she runs her mouth over his throat and collar bone.

"I can...live with...that." He groans. "Is there a more comfortable place for this?"

She interlocks her fingers with his. "Come with me."

It might have just been her imagination but she could have sworn he said, "Always."

…...

"Protection?" He murmurs against her mouth, before he's too distracted to form any coherent thought.

"I'm on the pill." She responds, fingers running up and down his chest, sliding down his boxers and cupping him. In a flash the boxers are gone. So are her bra and panties. For a long moment, they just stand in her bedroom, kissing, soaking the newness, the hotness of this. Whatever this is.

Her body is on his first. Barba wants to let her take the lead, to set things at her own pace. And she's touched that he's thinking of her comfort first. So many of the men she's been with in the past have just thought about themselves. Few of them have taken the time to think about what she might want.

She slides her body on his and moves down his body. He's hard and clearly ready for her. But she's got other things in mind, at least to start.

As her mouth closes over him, Barba grunts and fists his hands in the sheets._ Dios mio, if she keeps this up for too long, it'll be over before it even starts_. Her tongue swirls around his tip and then he feels her mouth close over him, caressing him in a long, open mouthed kiss. And behind his eyes, he sees the stars of the summer night.

_Ughhhh_, is the only sound he's able to make while she's licking and tasting him.

_God, Rafael, can you get any more incoherent? _

_But that thing she does with her mouth. Holy hell._

"Liv." He groans, his voice hoarse and rough. "Please..."

"Begging, Rafael?" She looks up at him with an impish look on her face and takes him into her mouth again.

His body arches up against the sheet and his cock hits the back of her mouth. And she groans because his arousal is turning on and she is wet, so wet.

_Why haven't I done this before_, she thinks.

"God, Liv...please..." his hips are rolling up, trying to meet her. Finally she has pity on him and slides her body over his and sits down on his cock. He slides in slowly and she almost explodes right there because he fits. And she starts moving...up...down...up...down...

Leaning over him while she's rolling her hips, she thrusts her tongue in his mouth. His body is moving up against hers and she's finding it very, very hard to keep it slow and easy. And he's groaning into her mouth and she's just getting wetter and wetter... and, oh god, oh god, oh god... he's flipping her on her back.

"Enough playing, Olivia." He says in an unrecognizable growl. And he slams into her. Once. Twice. Three times. And her body arches up towards his, she wraps her legs around his waist.

"Oh, oh, oh, oh..." that's all she can say as he swivels his hips and pushes into her with slow, easy strokes. And he's kissing her, touching her breasts, sucking on them and it's just all...so...much. His hands are soft against her skin, against her thighs, and against her clit. Liv's desperately trying to retain some sanity too but she's finding it so hard to think when her ADA's mouth is against her throat, her collar bone, and her breasts. And, ah, how he likes to suck at her breasts.

She'd never figured him for a breast man given the amount of times she's spotted him looking at her ass this evening.

Soon Benson feels that familiar coil in her stomach and she tightens her legs around Barba. "Come on, Rafael." She commands lowly and lifts her hips to meet his thrusts. _Not too much longer. Just a little bit further._

And he starts moving faster. And...oh god, she's...almost... there... just one more...one more...

When the explosion comes, it's hard and it's furious and it's almost loud except she's somehow remembered that Noah is sleeping and she can't scream but she wants to...oh god how she wants to scream. But Rafael sees that and bends over and places his mouth over hers to capture her scream, flexing his hips, and right...as she is coming down...body still shaking, he explodes in her.

And they collapse together.

…...

What feels like hours later but, in reality, is only minutes, Liv tries to lift her head up from the pillow, only to find herself too weak to actually do it.

"Well...that...was..." she starts to say but she's even a bit too tired to form words. _Post-sex brain turns us all into morons._

"Yep." He says quietly and turns to her. "Any regrets, Liv?" He asks quietly, seriously.

"That was a hell of a first dance, counselor." Benson laughs tiredly. "But I've got no regrets."

And it's the truth. The sex was explosive and hot...but more than that, it was comforting. Liv had felt completely safe.

What has felt like a long exhausting journey was over and she'd come safely into harbor.

Barba sees the truth in her eyes. So he leans over and gives her a deep, warm, and passionate kiss.

"Welcome home, Olivia."

_Wherever you are, that is my home. _


End file.
